My Gun's Bigger Than Yours... No, Really.

I have to gripe about Army Wives for just a moment; (oh wait, I AM one!)

I found myself at yet another party seated to yet another army wife who was (not too subtly) trying to size me up. In retrospect, it was hilarious. At the time, it was annoying. I was her captive audience, and tried to listen with what I hoped passed for polite interest.

Jason, center, My trained killer

Then came all the questions. What she really wanted to ask me about Jason was, "What rank is he, what does he do, and does my husband outrank him?" Like I said, she wasn't too subtle.

Now, you all know how deviously my mind works. So, while I was evasively trying to answer her, I was really thinking, "Why don't we just get all the guys together for a Class A inspection (to see who has more patches, medals, etc.), followed by 'appendage' measurements." (I figured that anyone who has to brag about her husband that much, he must have obvious "shortcomings".) I'm evil, I know.

I related the story to Jason later that night, and he laughed at my idea.

"Okay," he said. "I'll bring my ruler in to work tomorrow."

"No," I replied. "YOU better bring in the yardstick."